I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
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