i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
