I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
