what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
