So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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