Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
