He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
