i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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