Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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