I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
