we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Randomize
