i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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