why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
