would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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