i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
