can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
