Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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