I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
