I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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