Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
