I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
