dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
