how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize