I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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