Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
