Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize