If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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