chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
