even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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