grandma shit on top of the toilet
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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