in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel like death gave me a hand job
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
