I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
