On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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