Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
