john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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