I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
