Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You need Xanax blowdarts
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Randomize
