That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
why is half of my head shaved?
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