why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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