yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
