He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
