I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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