I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize