I heard we made out
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
