When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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