I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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