Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
