just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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