I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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