so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Pants are for mortals
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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