Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
