Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
