I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize