i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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