Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
