why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
