at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
