we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
