I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
