God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
