The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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