I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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