Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
