I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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