btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
