Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
