my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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