I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
my being single is dangerous.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
