And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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