He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
