so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize