i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
