I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize