So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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