saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Randomize
