I just made out with a guy for $7.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
