i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
