someone threw a dead crab at me
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
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