I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
