So drunk its hurt
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
