YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
