I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
