Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
