Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize