...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
She needs sedatives and a leash
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
