I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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