Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize