not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
