im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
