i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
