Define "chronic" masturbator.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
