Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
