if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
