I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
