I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
