this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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