Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My dick has a subreddit
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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