Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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