Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
