how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Success! We fucked roommates!
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