Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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