It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
