I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
