If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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