I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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