i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
