I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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